Breaking up with Asia

Well here it is, the end. I’ve procrastinated writing this post for a few reasons. 1) because one of my most unfortunate qualities is that I have procrastinated everything my entire life 2) because this post marks the definitive end of my adventures across Asia, a fact that I have been woefully ignoring 3) because I feel an overwhelming need to justify my 5 month experience in one final post, a task which I am completely incapable of. That being said, here we go!

Before I get too deep (yeah, we’re getting deep today friends), let me tell you about my final week in Asia! I think I use this particular adjective too much, and it’s a loaded word, but here I go again- my last week in Asia was perfect. Just like the rest of my adventure- inspiring, chaotic, overwhelming, fun, humbling, flawed, spontaneous, easy, difficult, beautiful…. perfect! I have always been a perfectionist (yuck.), but this word now has new life for me. I used to think perfection meant I had to be good at everything- but that’s BS. Perfection is not at all the absence of fault, my adventure had plenty of faults (none of which I regret); but rather the ability to embrace the bad and the good equally, recognizing that one could not be without the other. Too much good is- boring, unfulfilling, annoying. Too much bad is- depressing and useless. In the right amounts, a natural balance of the two is- perfect. Alright now that we got that tangent out of the way (do I have ADD?), let’s get back to Cambodia.

One thing I would like to share about Phnom Penh is the horrific history of the Khmer Rouge and their deadly regime. For those of you who don’t know, the Khmer Rouge (led by dictator Pol Pot) took forceful control of the country in the 1970s. They spent three years in power, during which time more than 25% of the population was ruthlessly murdered by the government. What a disgusting statistic. Imagine if your government just wiped out a quarter of your population, one of every four of your friends is now dead. These innocent people were beaten, starved, and worked to death. No one was spared. The educated, successful, ambitious, intellectual, and creative citizens of the country were sought out and arrested. They were tortured for months before eventually being executed. The more poverty stricken part of the population, who weren’t thrown in jail, were put to work 12 hours a day to increase the government’s profits on exports. Since they were busy selling all that was produced, there was literally not enough food left in Cambodia to feed the people. Even the people that worked for the Khmer Rouge were at risk of sudden execution. Anyone could be killed at anytime for any reason. My friend Helene and I spent an entire day at both the killing fields and the infamous s-21 prison while in Phnom Penh. It was the kind of day that leaves a lump in your throat and a knot in your heart. The amount of human suffering that occurred during this time in Cambodia is almost incomprehensible. An entire generation of intelligence and leadership was taken from the Cambodian people. To put the ruthlessness in perspective for you, of the 17,000 people that were arrested at s-21 prison (one of countless such prisons in cambodia), 7 made it out alive. If you ever have the chance to get to Phnom Penh, I implore to spend a difficult day learning about the heartbreaking history of the Cambodian people. It will likely leave you shaken, but also with a renewed desire to spread more good in the world.

A cell block inside the S-21 prison
A cell block inside the S-21 prison
All prisoners of the Khmer Rouge were photographed upon their arrest, here are a few of the innocent faces
All prisoners of the Khmer Rouge were photographed upon their arrest, here are a few of the innocent faces
A tribute to the lives lost at the killing fields. Many victims remains are still found around Cambodia today.
A tribute to the lives lost at the killing fields. Many victims remains are still found around Cambodia today.

After Phnom Penh, we left for Siem Reap to experience another important (and more impressive) part of Cambodian history at the temples of Angkor Wat. Angkor Wat is a stunning complex of ruins from the Angkorian Empire that ruled much of Asia during the 14th century. We spent 3 days exploring these beautiful and mystifying structures with some new friends from Phnom Penh. Together we were a group of 6- from USA, Denmark, Australia, Scotland, and Holland. We hired a tuk tuk driver to take us around for our sightseeing excursions and really had an amazing time exploring this breathtaking place. The place truly has an air of magic that is palpable to its visitors. You could really spend hours wandering each temple. I would definitely say it should be considered one of the top sights in the world. You should absolutely make it a priority to get here in your lifetime. In our time outside of Angkor Wat, we enjoyed the creature comforts of Siem Reap. Siem Reap is the city closest to the temples and as a result has grown in size and activity as the number of tourists has increased. Although it lacks the true Cambodian character, it is a fun town with great restaurants and lots of energy. We happened to be here on the weekend, so we were able to take advantage of all the excitement that the very entertaining ‘Pub street’ had to offer. Pub street closes its block to cars when the sun sets every night and turns its music up as the other bars close their doors. What results is an international dance party in the middle of the street that continues until the sun comes up. I never made it that far, but it was good fun anyway. After taking full advantage of our last Cambodian destination, it was time for my final visit to Bangkok. An ironic place to end my trip, considering 7 years ago it was the city that started it all! In 2006, I spent 5 weeks volunteering in Bangkok. Thus beginning my love affair with Asia, and eventually leading to my desire to return to this part of the world! Anyway, because I can’t seem to leave anywhere on time, I obviously changed my flight and much to my mother’s disappointment bought myself an extra day in Asia. I realize, I have an Asia problem. Oh well. In the end, I did board my flight and reluctantly said goodbye to my asian adventures.

Exploring the temple complex by tuk tuk!
Exploring the temple complex by tuk tuk!
Ornate Angkorian architecture
Ornate Angkorian architecture
Exploring with friends ( thanks Pete Williams for the photo!)
Exploring with friends ( thanks Pete Williams for the photo!)
Angkor at sunrise
Angkor at sunrise
Missing Cambodian nights out with my travel buddy
Missing Cambodian nights out with my travel buddy

So, here it is- this is where I say goodbye. Now I won’t promise I’ll never write again, because I kind of like this blogging thing. But at least, this is where I close the chapter on the last 5 months of my life. Some of the best 5 months of my life. For obvious and less obvious reasons, it’s a hard chapter to close. The best way I can think to relate it to you is that it’s like mourning a break up. Breaking up always sucks and it just takes a while to get over it. Although in the end the break up may have been for the best, it’s still requires adjustment and figuring out how start your new days with a positive attitude. Some moments, I want to burst into tears I miss traveling so much, other times I am so excited for everything that is next to come. Essentially, I spent the last 5 months in a relationship with myself.  I realize this is incredibly selfish and a completely unsustainable way to live, but for 5 months it was beautiful. Ultimately I cared only about myself every single day. I gave myself what I wanted and what I needed, without giving much to anybody else. I put all my energy into looking after me and I am so grateful for that experience. During this relationship, I took myself on a lot of really awesome dates across the world. Now, I will go back to Utah where I will spend the majority of my energy giving to my patients, my boyfriend, my family, and my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love all four of those things immensely and it brings me much happiness to give to these incredible people. But the last 5 months reminded me that we have to spend an equal amount of energy loving ourselves. After all, your relationship with yourself is the longest relationship you will ever have, might as well commit to making it work. While mourning my breakup, I will learn to find a balance between caring for myself and caring for others. Often, we forget that this is an essential part of a good life. I encourage you all to nurture your relationship with yourselves. Some of you may disagree, but I think we all deserve 5 months of selfishness at some point in our lives. I now know myself better than I ever have before and in turn, am able to give more of my ‘whole self’ to the people around me. The last 5 months have given me so much happiness in my heart, I have even more to share with others. So my advice- be selfish, take care of yourself first. It will make you a better person. To my friends, apologies in advance that I might be the really annoying girl who won’t stop talking about her ex for months to come. What can I say, Asia has my heart.

Now I’ve just realized I lied to you all. This isn’t my goodbye. I have a lot more to say and I guess I don’t shut up easily. My family and coworkers will definitely vouch for me on that one. So now that you understand my separation anxiety from Asia, I will share more next time on the adventure itself. Asia is a gold mine and I want to tell you all the secrets. At this moment, I am still playing tourist and en route from NYC to Philly. I will travel the northeast USA for the next 3 weeks before finally returning to Salt Lake City. The adventures continue…

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